Waiting for the Soup Sign

In early 1993 my mother tripped on a chair and fell. What she thought was a twist and some muscle pain in her low back turned out to be two cracked vertebrae and a diagnosis of osteoporosis. Over the last 19 years her bones have gradually degenerated, causing discomfort, pain, and limited mobility. We had hoped that with time, rest, and treatment she would regain some of her former strength, but as the years have gone by we have watched as she is able to do less and less.


In 2002 Mom spent an extended period of time in the hospital following another fall in which she received several compression fractures. The realization of how much her life had been altered was easy enough for me to see. During those weeks I began to plan for the changes we would need to make in her home and routine in order to accommodate her new limitations. One afternoon, Dad and I sat at his kitchen table discussing what I assumed we both knew to be the realities of our situation.


Then Dad made a comment that stunned me. He said, "I'm just waiting for Wanda to come home and get better. I'm waiting for the day when she can do all the things again that she once did. Do you remember how active she was when you were a little girl? I can't wait for her to be like that again." I almost cried as I began to understand what Dad was really saying. I gently reminded him that Mom would never be like she was in the early '70s - even if she hadn't fallen prey to osteoporosis, the natural aging process would have already rendered a return to that busy lifestyle impossible. He reluctantly agreed and we moved on to our task at hand.


A few months later, Mom was home, getting around fairly well, and the holidays were approaching. Dad wrote his annual Christmas letter, updating family and friends and wishing all a Merry Christmas. As he talked about the changes of the last year, he said, "I always know when Wanda is back to what she used to be when the Soup Sign comes out. When she makes a big pot of vegetable soup, then I know she is back to her old self and can enjoy life like she did when she was younger."


The Soup Sign - that was Dad's way of saying that he still saw Mom as she was in her 30s or even in her 40s. It was Dad's way of convincing himself that Mom's health hadn't been compromised - that she was still just as able-bodied as she ever had been. The Soup Sign was his safety net - if she was well enough to make soup, surely she was well enough to do all the things they used to do together, right?


My brother and I shared a laugh about the Soup Sign and the ridiculousness of such a statement. Mom's life was irreversibly compromised. She was, in 2002, the strongest she would be for the rest of her life. We both knew she would continue to go downhill physically, and her ability to conduct the activities of daily living would only weaken. How could Dad even suggest that the Soup Sign meant anything more than just that she had the strength that day to make a meal? How could he hold on to the notion that the Soup Sign meant she was being restored? Couldn't he see that she was not going to change?


I've struggled with the Soup Sign for years now. I've inwardly cringed when I hear Dad talking about how one day Mom will be better and we just have to believe. I've reminded him time and again that Mom will continue to worsen until she is completely without the ability to get around by herself. Every time we have this discussion Dad says, "I suppose you're right. I just need to accept the fact that this is the way she is." And yet, a few weeks, a few months later he pulls out the Soup Sign again.


I have a Soup Sign of my own. I've been waiting for it to show itself for years - 26 years to be exact. Every so often I think I can see it - the sign is being hoisted up and this time, THIS time, things will be different. THIS time I will see what I've always wanted to see. THIS time I won't see what's been and what's wrong, but a new and improved situation.


Today I woke up thinking about my Soup Sign. Another opportunity for it to make its presence known recently appeared. And I found myself thinking the same things, "Maybe this time. Isn't restoration near now? It's the Soup Sign!! All the ingredients are ready - the recipe is right there for the taking. All we need now is for the pieces to be joined and the flavors will mix into a wonderful new concoction - and it will be a time of richness and fullness." But it didn't happen. And do you know what I heard my husband say to me? He said, "Kerry, the Soup Sign will never happen. This situation will continue to worsen until it is completely without the ability to rectify itself. Perhaps it already has reached that point. There is no Soup Sign."


No Soup Sign. Only the stark realization that the fantasy I have clung to for so long has rotted away right before my eyes. The thin skins of denial have sloughed off and I am left holding a rotten, smelly, piece of garbage.


I think King David had a Soup Sign. Read through the Psalms and see how many times he asks God to change a situation, to make his enemies flee, to avenge David and bring God's  righteous anger down upon the land. David started many of his laments this way: "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?...How long will my enemy triumph over me?" (Ps. 13:1, 2b) In other words, "How long, God, until you fix this situation? How long until you answer me the way I want you to? How long until the Soup Sign returns?" In Psalm 22 David says, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?" (vs. 1).


David wanted a Soup Sign - he wanted it so desperately that sometimes it was all he could think about. He fantasized about the day when God's vengeance would fall on those who pursued him. He dreamed about the day when his life would be restored and all his troubles would be gone. But in spite of all his hoping, all his scheming, all his dreaming that Saul would eventually give up and welcome David back into his court, the Soup Sign never came out. Things got so desperate that David ended up hiding in the caves because Saul sought his very life. And I believe it was during those dark, desperate days that David came to the realization that he, too, was holding the thin skins of denial. When reality came washing over David he saw that rather than nourishing, tasty, life-giving soup, he was left with a piece of garbage. Then, and only then, was David able to change his laments into praise. Then David testified, "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." (13:5-6)


Today I choose to put away the Soup Sign. I will no longer wait for something that will never be. I choose to stop living in the denial I have wrapped myself in for so many years. I choose to join David and say, "I trust in your unfailing love...I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me."


So, where's YOUR Soup Sign?

Following God Where I've Never Been Before

I'm a follower of a few blogs - girlfriends of mine who share a variety of things with the virtual world. One of my friends is a crafty, creative, mother of 4 who is always coming up with something fun and festive to describe her busy life (www.amyjdelightful.blogspot.com).  Another friend is a baker and I enjoy reading about the new recipes she is trying out with her 3-year old daughter (www.becauseibake.blogspot.com). My third blogger friend recently adopted a beautiful little girl from China, and kept everyone up to date on the adoption process through her blog posts (www.weareadoptingfromchina.blogspot.com).

After following these special girls' posts for the last couple of years, I decided it would be fun to have my own blog! So here goes!

The title of my blog is Pleasant Places. Over the last four years I have traveled many rough roads. There have been times when I didn't want to go to the next place God had in mind for me, and I hesitated to follow Him. But Psalm 16:5-6 says that "the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places." Joshua 3 states that those who choose to follow the Lord will be guided by His hand, and even though we may not "have been this way before," if we trust Him, "the Lord will do amazing things among us."

The last two months has been one of those times when God has challenged me to, "Move out from your position and follow [Me]. Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before." A few years ago I had the privilege of traveling to SE Asia for a study tour. One day I found myself in a long boat traveling to a remote village to visit the Iban people of Borneo. I remember thinking, "I don't really know what's around the bend and I'm not sure I want to get into this boat and risk the unknown." Then I remembered this verse - God didn't ask me to stand still and He would bring His amazing thing to me. He asked me to "move out from [my] position and follow." Then He promised that if I did, He would do amazing things among me - around me, in front of me, and behind me. So, I stepped into the boat and experienced one of the most amazing things I have ever seen!! If I had let my fears control me, I would have missed out on so much!!

So back to the last two months. I went to bed on the evening of November 18, thankful for the way God had provided for my son's gallbladder surgery earlier that day, and ready to enjoy the coming weekend with him as he re-couped in my home. During the night I received two phone calls that my mom had fallen and would probably need to see her doctor the next day. Ok - not a big deal. We've been here before. I went back to sleep and woke up the next day ready to help Mom with her visit and then deliver her safely back home. As soon as I walked in her apartment I realized that this road was unfamiliar!! I hadn't been here before! I had no idea what was around the bend. Mom had broken her foot in 3 places and would need to spend the next few weeks in the hospital, followed by at least another month in rehab. She would not be returning to her apartment for some time - if ever.

Meanwhile, Dad was facing a major surgery to replace his aortic valve. We were hoping to put this off until after the holidays, but I quickly realized that we weren't going to be able to wait that long. Dad needed the surgery now. So, with Mom safely being cared for at Newton Medical Center, Dad was admitted to Kansas Heart Hospital, where he stayed for two weeks. During that time Mom moved from NMC to Halstead Health and Rehab for continued therapy.

Now the road looked a bit scary! I really couldn't see where God was leading us, but I still wanted to trust that He knew what He was doing. As we sat in the hospital room going through Dad's discharge information, my phone rang. Uh-oh...the rehab facility! They were sending Mom back to the hospital with a stomach virus. She'd only been at Halstead for 6 days! We spent another week in the hospital and then back to rehab. Dad was recovering at my house, and things had drastically changed for all of us. I definitely had not been this way before!

We came to a family decision that Mom and Dad should move closer, and after looking at all the options, decided that the best thing for them would be to move in with us. I had to wonder where God was leading! But I kept coming back to the promise of Psalm 16:6 - "The boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places; surely, I have a delightful inheritance!" If God was leading, then God was also placing my boundary lines. And He said that not only  was I coming into a pleasant place, but that my inheritance there would be delightful. So, I held His hand a bit tighter and continued to follow.

On December 17, just 5 days after Dad came home from and Mom returned to the hospital, God allowed a roadblock to occur...I was involved in a car accident and suffered a totaled car and mild whiplash. What now?? I had lots of questions! This did NOT look like a pleasant place! In fact, the path was very unpleasant and very scary! I can't say that I didn't ask my questions - I did! I wanted to know, "Why now?" "What does this mean?" "Are you trying to teach me something?" "What could be the ultimate purpose here?"

One of the things I had been most concerned about regarding Mom and Dad living here had to do with transportation. I knew that my Corolla was not very easy for them to get in and out of, and Paul's Blazer posed problems of its own - not the least of which was a lack of available seating. As I pondered the type of car I should get to replace my Corolla, God revealed His pleasant place to me. We could now afford to get a car that would meet all the needs we had, and we wouldn't have to have any out-of-pocket expense to make it happen! God provided a delightful inheritance just as we came around the bend. I didn't know that way I was going, but He did an amazing thing among us!

Today we brought Mom home and I marveled again at how God had provided. We have a 2010 Dodge Caliber - a crossover vehicle that gives us comfortable riding space along with a hatchback that makes transporting a wheelchair easy. I followed God where I had never been before and He kept His promise to me to bring me into pleasant places and do amazing things. Now, how neat is that?